C        D             C       D
E|---------0--------2-------------0-------2------------------------------------|
B|----1--0---1--------3-----1--0----1-----3------------------------------------|
G|----0--0-----0--------2---0--0------0---2------------------------------------|
D|---------------2--0-----0-------------2--------------------------------------|
A|--2------3----------------------3--------------------------------------------|
E|3----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
   If I had a hammer, I'd build a house for two
      C         G           C                G
E|--------------3----------------------------3-------------------------------|
B|----1---------0-----------1----------------0-------------------------------|
G|----0---------0-----------0----------------0-------------------------------|
D|----2---------0-----------2----------------0-------------------------------|
A|----3---------2-----------3----------------2-------------------------------|
E|----0---------3-----------0----------------3-------------------------------|
  And If I had a sailing ship, I'd take a trip with you
      C             G                Am              D
E|------------------3--------------------------------2-----------------------|
B|----1-------------0----------------1---------------3-----------------------|
G|----0-------------0----------------2---------------2-----------------------|
D|----2-------------0----------------2---------------0-----------------------|
A|----3-------------2----------------0---------------------------------------|
E|----0-------------3--------------------------------------------------------|
  And If I had a poets hand, I'd write a verse for thee
      C                  G         C                G
E|-----------------------3--------------------------3------------------------|
B|----1------------------0---------1----------------0------------------------|
G|----0------------------0---------0----------------0------------------------|
D|----2------------------0---------2----------------0------------------------|
A|----3------------------2---------3----------------2------------------------|
E|----0------------------3---------0----------------3------------------------|
  And If I had the painters touch, on canvas you would be
       C                      G         Am              D
E|----------------------------3-------------------------2--------------------|
B|-----1----------------------0---------1---------------3--------------------|
G|-----0----------------------0---------2---------------2--------------------|
D|-----2----------------------0---------2---------------0--------------------|
A|-----3----------------------2---------0------------------------------------|
E|-----0----------------------3----------------------------------------------|
  But I dont have a hammer, and I don't have a ship
         C            G            C            G
E|--------------------3-------------------------3----------------------------|
B|-------1------------0------------1------------0----------------------------|
G|-------0------------0------------0------------0----------------------------|
D|-------2------------0------------2------------0----------------------------|
A|-------3------------2------------3------------2----------------------------|
E|-------0------------3------------0------------3----------------------------|
  So I can't build a house, and we can't take a trip
        C              G             Am          D
E|---------------------3-------------------------2---------------------------|
B|------1--------------0-------------1-----------3---------------------------|
G|------0--------------0-------------2-----------2---------------------------|
D|------2--------------0-------------2-----------0---------------------------|
A|------3--------------2-------------0---------------------------------------|
E|------0--------------3-----------------------------------------------------|
  And I'll never be a poet, Nor have the painter's grace
             C          G        C                   G
E|----------------------3----------------------------3-----------------------|
B|-----------1----------0--------1-------------------0-----------------------|
G|-----------0----------0--------0-------------------0-----------------------|
D|-----------2----------0--------2-------------------0-----------------------|
A|-----------3----------2--------3-------------------2-----------------------|
E|-----------0----------3--------0-------------------3-----------------------|
  So I'll never write you a verse, Nor immortalize your face
           C                  G            Am             D
E|----------------------------3---------------------------2------------------|
B|---------1------------------0------------1--------------3------------------|
G|---------0------------------0------------2--------------2------------------|
D|---------2------------------0------------2--------------0------------------|
A|---------3------------------2------------0---------------------------------|
E|---------0------------------3----------------------------------------------|

  And Also.. I have Herpes.. - Sing that then play this next bit.
               C         D         D
E|-------------0---------2---------2-----------------------------------------|
B|-------1--0-----1--------3-------3-----------------------------------------|
G|-------0--0-------0--------2-----2-----------------------------------------|
D|--------------------2--0-----0---0-----------------------------------------|
A|---2---------3-------------------------------------------------------------|
E|-3-------------------------------------------------------------------------|

C          G            C                G
If I had a hammer, I'd build a house for 2

    C             G             Am                D
And if I had a sailing ship I'd take a trip with you

C            G             C                 G
If I had a poet's hand I'd write a verse for thee

     C               G                Am               D
And if I had the painter's touch, on canvas you would be

     C             G              C            G
But I don't have a hammer and I don't have a ship

     C                  G        Am               D
So I can't build your house and we can't take a trip

       C           G                 C             G
And I'll never be a poet or have the painter's grace

     C                    G         Am              D
So I'll never write your verse or immortalize your face

And also, I have herpes!